"Greed is Good"-Gordon Gecko

Since cycling is experiencing a deluge of confessions, I have a few of my own. No I'm not on the juice or ever will be but I have been racing somewhat well lately. The thing is, in San Diego I consider myself still very much an outsider to the sport. That ten year cycling coma makes me feel like I've got more than a generation gap. A community and sport that was very much my existence as a junior and collegiate racer is still so familiar and foreign.
Ever since I started riding a back again in 2011, there are a few things I still have never done. I've never climbed Palomar. I've never done the Swamis A ride, Tuesday morning or evening ride. I've still yet to buy a powermeter or any other type of computer. I will suck a wheel if I have to. I'm the type of rider the authors of the BWR ride had in mind to make fun of in the race flyer narrative who is not welcome to ride with the Chuck Norriss's of the sport. None of this is conscious plan to remain an outsider. Partly it's due to my schedule, and also my sometimes lack of belief in my ability. I don't really have a strong grasp on watts or speed or what my max HR is. The last time I got a VO2 Max test was in college. My last bike computer was an Avocet 20 and my last bike was made of a material called steel.

Despite all of this, cycling is still the same thing as I remember and for the last few months, I've had the uncanny ability to get my front tire over the finish line in the top five or ten over and over and over. My philosophy has been simple yet effective. Ride my bike a lot, get lots of sleep, lose weight and eat mostly plants with the occasional Korean BBQ thrown in.
I'm not a sprinter, climber and definitely not a time trialist but the results have been slowly and reliably coming in. In the crits a few top fives and a lot of top tens have been coming. At Tour de Murrietta I got fifth in the road race. And even though San Dimas was a total mess, I was able to beat my TT time from last year by over two and half minutes (calculated if 2013 course was shortened back to last years.) I'm sometimes the only Swami in many of my races and have relied on my experience and the ability to read a race more than anything. Yet, that important win is still elusive and I want it to happen. The difference between first and fourth can be an instant to some but an eternity to me.

Today at Ontario I placed unofficially 7th and sit technically one result away to upgrading to the next category.
Cyclists can sometimes romanticize our sport to the point of believing in a watered down way of why people race. I heard a pro in an interview define success. The standard response is "when it's fun" "when I gave it my all" etc. I don't want to take anything away from those ideals but those come a distant second to flat out winning. When a pro ceases to win, they are out of a job. I've reached a point now where I am salivating. It's typical conditioning. People have been conditioned to like winning. People will sit for hours at a slot machine on the chance that the next pull of the lever will be a big result. With competition, when a little taste of possibility enters the equation, I'm no different than that guy breathing through an O2 tank at Pechanga. I want it.
So Spring has sprung and the season is unfolding well. I'm racing for success and the possibility of "what if"? I'll still laugh a little inside when someone tries to tell me what knickers are or how to stay on a wheel. Most of the time, my attitude is very "aw shucks" when a result comes in or I'll justify a result by thinking so and so wasn't here. Yet, deep down, in a very dark place that I only go to on race day, there is a little instinct that tells me I want it, and I'm going to ride into the ground and find a place between absolute commitment and rage to take it. It's been with me since I first raced as a kid, and it has come to aid me now.

My focus has become a little more clear and with great rides at Valley of the Sun, a few Ontario's Races, Surf City Crit and Tour de Murrietta I think I can continue to push myself the next levels of the sport. I honestly think the only way to do that is by doing those group rides and doing Palomar. I need the big talent pool of San Diego to push me even further and harder. I'd like to get a powermeter and do more than perceived exertion. In the spectrum, there is a huge way to go and I've failed more times than I've succeeded at racing a bicycle.
After this weekend there are a few more crits and then I'm making my way up north to Monterey for Sea Otter which is one of the biggest bike circuses around. In order to do well, I still need to keep the momentum going and I need to be humbled by riding with more than just myself and sprinting for random street signs. I'll hopefully see some of you guys out on the rides and try not to embarrass myself too much. I'll always view myself very much an outsider but this is the first time in a long time, that in races or just rides with people, I feel like I belong in the peloton.